


Back to School

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [192]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Back to School, M/M, Other, Sam goes into library studies, panic attack in later chapters, returning to school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 21:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8072596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: Benny convinces Sam to give school another chance, because he knows how much Sam loved it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is another piece from Tumblr.
> 
> Warnings for returning to school and Sam's insecurity about that, a panic attack, and discussions of leaving hunting.

It’s not even a real idea yet. Just something he’s playing with. He checks out websites and admissions guides, financial paperwork and all of that. Mostly, he looks at taking online classes. 

He’s walked the halls of university, and he loved it. But he was young then, not so scarred, not so broken. Not so much a hunter. 

But if he could make his need to further his education mesh with the life he lives…

It’s a pipe dream. Just something to stare at when there’s nothing else to do.

There’s a community college Sam could take some basic classes at. After all, it’s not like anyone’s going to let him transfer credits from Stanford, unless he does an amazingly thorough forge job. He’ll have to start all over.

Somehow, that doesn’t seem too daunting.

He’s just flicking through the websites, the way he does when he has nothing else to do and wants to fuel his daydreaming, when Benny walks in behind him, leans down to kiss his neck, and asks, “Whacha readin’?”

Sam flushes and tries to close the tabs, feeling that it’s already too late, that Benny has seen. “That college stuff?” Benny asks, voice still perfectly level.

Sam stares at his keyboard. “It’s just…it’s not real,” he says quietly. “Just a…fantasy?” he says, unsure of how to put it. “Just an idea.”

“Why isn’t it real?” Benny asks. “From what I’ve managed to get outta ya, you loved school. Why not go back?”

Sam gestures around. “Look at this! This life. I–I can’t. It’s a nice dream, but…it’s not reality.”

“Why not?” Benny challenges. “I know you could manage both, Sam. Cut back on hunting a bit, let us pick up some research slack, maybe don’t take a full course load right away. But you can do anything, Sugar. ‘Sides, this life…what’s the point if you don’t have what you want?”

Sam reaches up his hand to lay it over Benny’s, which still rests on his shoulder. “I have what I want,” he says, and it’s true, his life has improved dramatically since the introduction of Benny.

Benny kisses the top of his head. “You’re entitled to more than one thing, Sam. An’ if school is one of those things, than no one should stop you. C’mon. One class. Give it a try,” he wheedles. “You’ll love it.”

Sam hesitates half a second, but then hits the admissions button. 


	2. Chapter 2

It’s the first time Sam’s had to go back into an actual classroom since he started this whole thing.

He’s taken three classes so far, but those were all online. Online lectures, and discussions, and homework and office hours and projects and presentations and tests. He never had to even set foot on an actual college campus.

But not he has to get the apparently required science credits out of the way, and it’s been too long since Sam actually took any science for him to even be able to conceive of testing out of the class. That in and of itself is not a problem. Sam is taking a lot of classes similar to what he took last time around.

The problem is that science requires lab hours, and to get those, he has to go to campus.

The campus in Salina is almost two hours away, which is ridiculous for a four hour lab class four times in the semester, but it’s not the drive that bothers Sam, not really. He’s done longer drives for less significant things.

“Sugar, jus’ tell me what the problem is,” Benny says, pulling Sam to sit in bed next to him to stop Sam’s half-frenzied pacing. He immediately starts to rub Sam’s back, and that does ease some of the tension from him, but not all of it. “Can’t help if i don’t get it.”

Sam lets out a frustrated huff. “It’s just…this class,” he admits.

“I know,” Benny says. “What about it? Not your first class, Sugar. You’re doin’ so well at ‘em all, too. This one’ll be just like the others.”

“But it won’t!” Sam exclaims. “Because I have to go in person!”

“So?” Benny asks, and Sam feels momentarily bad, because Benny is trying so hard and Sam isn’t giving him enough to latch onto. “Don’t tell me the drive is botherin’ you.”

Sam shakes his head. “It’s…I’m so old,” he whispers.

Benny snorts, and Sam turns to glare at him. “I know, I know, you’re ancient,” he says, trying to keep the bite that tension brings from his voice. “But I’m…Benny, I’m thirty-three. And all those students…I bet most of them are eighteen, nineteen. Maybe twenty. They’re doing this for the first time. They belong there. They’re probably so smart, and what am I? A washed up hunter who…well, let’s face it. I don’t belong there anymore.”

Benny’s hand pauses on Sam’s back, only to move up to his shoulders so he can turn Sam. “Ya belong there, Sam,” he says fiercely. “You’re so damn smart, an’ ya love school. Ya belong there.”

Sam just shakes his head. “What if this is a mistake?”

“What if it’s not?” Benny offers instead. “What if ya hit it outta the park and learn some stuff and keep doin’ what you love?”

Sam shifts closer to Benny, and Benny takes the hint, pulling him close, kissing his neck, wrapping Sam in his arms. “I’ll come with ya,” he says. “I’ll make the drive. If it goes good, we’ll go celebrate after. If it’s bad–an’ it won’t be, I promise–but if it is, we’ll get a motel room an’ curl up and ya can yell at me all ya want.”

It wouldn’t be Benny’s fault, and Benny wouldn’t deserve yelling, but the offer is tempting. “Promise?” Sam asks.

“Promise,” Benny says. “But it’s gonna be great. You’re gonna impress ‘em all with that big brain of yours. I know it.”

Sam sighs, body finally settling. “Hope so,” he mutters against Benny’s shoulder.

Benny rubs his back again. “I know so,” he returns.

Sam almost manages to smile despite his nerves, despite his fear. It’s a lot easier to believe in himself when Benny’s already started the process.


	3. Chapter 3

Benny drops Sam off at the front door, and Sam checks the little piece of paper he scribbled the lab number on seven or eight times as he winds his way through the hallways.

The lab seems to be at the very end of a long, mostly unoccupied hallway, and Sam hesitates a few minutes before pushing the door open.

_It won’t be that bad. Benny is probably right._

He moves to a lab bench halfway back in the room and sets his books down. “Hey, you the TA?” one kid asks.

Sam tenses and doesn’t turn, refuses to look at the kid already marking Sam as _out of place_. “No,” he says, digging through his bag.

“Oh,” He kid says. “My bad. Sorry. You just–”

“Yeah,” Sam finishes, not wanting to hear it, already tense and on edge, and class hasn’t even started. _Benny was wrong. This is a disaster. I want to leave._

Sam also wants his education. He takes a deep breath.

“So, what’re you doing here?” the same guy says. “I thought this was for undergrads, you know?”

Sam’s lips thin. “I am an undergrad,” he says.

The guy opens his mouth again, but someone else says, “Aw, leave him alone. Can’t you see he just wants to take the damn lab?”

Sam turns to his savior, a rather young girl with long back hair. She grins. “I’m Rose,” she says. “And I’ve been looking for a lab partner.”

She plops her stuff down at the seat next to him, and Sam barely even notices when the annoying guy walks away, too stunned by Rose.

“Coming back to school?” she asks. “Or first time?”

“Back,” Sam says. “Second chance. B–someone convinced me to give it a try.”

She smiles. “That’s cool,” she says. “You any good at science?”

Sam manages to smile back. “I was decent, last time around.”

The TA walks in then to start lab, and she doesn’t say a word about Sam. No one else does all night, either.

* * *

Benny picks him up in front of the building right as lab lets out. “How’d it go?” he asks before Sam’s door is even fully shut.

“Fine,” Sam says. “Good. I have a lab partner. Her name’s Rose.”

“She any good?” Benny asks, pulling out onto the main road.

“She’s pretty good,” Sam says. “She’s gonna be a doctor someday, so…she kinda has to be.”

Benny grins. “That’s nice,” he says. “Anyone give you problems?”

Sam shrugs. “One kid. Rose told him off, no one else bothered me again.”

Benny turns onto a side street. “Told ya, didn’t I?” he asks, but Sam knows the question is rhetorical. “So, we’re celebratin’ tonight?”

Sam can’t help but smile now. “Yeah,” he confirms. “We’re celebrating.”


	4. Chapter 4

(I’m so sorry I cannot for the life of me find the previous stories, although I do remember these And now really want to find them. I will get a link when I get a chance to figure out where the hell they went).

Sam’s taking a mythology course, because of course he is. It does fill a Gen Ed, but so do a half dozen other classes. Mostly, mythology is a familiar old stomping ground and, yes, Sam’s not above using his own knowledge to get a slightly easier A upon occasion, although he’s actually doing a fair amount of work to ensure the information he gives isn’t from obscure occult sources no one else would ever have read.

It hasn’t been a problem, yet, but Sam’s just waiting for a question to come and him to answer it with some obscure fact no one but some crazy occultist–or a hunter–could know.

They’ve been doing creation myths, these last three classes, and Sam gives the professor props, he doesn’t start with the Christian one nor place any more significance on it than any of the others. Given the state of much of education, Sam thinks wryly, that’s something to be highly valued.

Sam didn’t think it would bother him. It’s just a story. A Bible story, one he’s heard or read or talked about a million times. Seven days, rib, garden, apple. Simple. Just words.

Lucifer’s never appeared as a snake to Sam. He’s never sounded like he does in the stories.

But Sam recognizes what Eve felt, even if he thinks her decision…well, it doesn’t matter, because here they are, and Sam recognizes the pushing, the manipulation. He wonders what really happened, that day, between Lucifer and Eve, how much that monster pushed her. Did he enter her dream, show her everything she wanted, take it away, corrupt it, offer it back? Did he spew false promises that sounded as good as anything? Did he sound like the only person who would ever care for her, even as she knew he never would?

“You okay?” Someone leans close and whispers.

It’s then Sam realizes he’s practically hyperventilating. He makes himself nod, makes himself regulate his breathing. Makes himself talk, be able to talk. “Fine,” he says. “Yeah, I’m–fine.”

“You’re shaking.”

“It’s cold in here,” Sam says, focusing on his breathing.

He doesn’t absorb much for the rest of class, but then, he doesn’t really have to.

He knows the story far better than they do.

*

“How was class?” Benny asks. Benny still drives Sam, when he can, because the college is more than an hour out of the way and he says he likes having that time together. Usually they get dinner after, or else hold hands and drive home.

“Just…drive,” Sam says tightly.

Benny looks at him a short moment then nods. He drives a few hundred feet, then pulls into a nearly abandoned strip mall parking lot.

“What the hell, Benny?” Sam asks.

“Figured ya needed to be outta there but ya needed somethin’ else too,” Benny says. “Talk? Cry? Hug? What’s goin’ on, Sam?”

“I…I didn’t think it’d bother me,” Sam whispers.

“What would?”

“We were talking about Lucifer. And Eve, and all I could think is what really happened. What he did to her, probably. If it’s like what he tried on me. And then I’m…well, you know how I can…get, when I have to think about that, and I’m shaking and I’m not breathing and they’re looking at me and I can’t even tell them what happened.”

Benny pulls him into a hug and rubs his back. “Oh, Sam,” he says quietly.

“Dumb.”

“Not dumb,” Benny says firmly. “C'mere, Sam.” Sam somehow manages to worm closer. “Got'cha. Ya can tell me. I’m here. I’ll always listen.”

Sam’s clinging to Benny’s shirt and crying a bit, thankful for it to be just the two of them, where he can safely break down and there’s no one to ask questions or poke fun or press at his wounds. They don’t leave that parking lot for quite some time.


	5. Chapter 5

In the end, Sam steps up his course load, tests out of some classes, and pushes forward. Dean’s not happy about, but Benny does his absolute best to shield Sam from that, to act as a buffer.

Benny’s been in incalculable support, and today, six years after he started–thirty-eight now, and he can’t believe how fast time has moved–Sam has a masters degree in Library Science to his name.

Well, to the name of Samuel Lafitte, but it’s as good as any, Sam thinks. Better than most, honestly.

Dean probably was glad to see Sam done when he finished his bachelors–English–but Sam hadn’t wanted to stop. Law isn’t his goal anymore, hasn’t been for a long time, but he likes the idea of libraries, of being able to share information and organize and protect books.

And now, at long last, the schooling is done.

Dean brings out some whiskey to celebrate. Benny rolls his eyes and whispers promises of their own celebration later, but they all sit down together and have a shot.

“Good on ya, Sammy,” Dean says. “Got what you wanted. Feel good?”

Sam nods. It feels unbelievable, actually. “Yeah,” he says. “Now I just have to find a job.”

Dean nearly spits out his whiskey. “What do you mean, a job?” he demands.

“Did you think I did this so so I could better organize our own library?” Sam asks. “Dean, I’m…nearly forty. It’s time.”

“This is our job, Sam,” Dean says, gesturing broadly.

“I’m not saying I’ll never hunt again,” Sam says. “I mean, other hunters had jobs. Took care of their area. Like Bobby, or Pastor Jim. Don’t know why I can’t be like that.”

“Oh yeah, some cushy nine to five, no one will notice if you leave for a week to hunt a ruguru,” Dean says sarcastically.

“We’ll make it work,” Sam says firmly, although privately he thinks maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he couldn’t always get away to take care of every little thing. Let some other hunter step up.

Dean turns to Benny. “You knew this?” he demands.

“Did I know Sam was studyin’ somethin’ that would make him happy?” Benny asks. “Damn right, I did. Proud of him. He’s gonna be great at it.”

Sam still shouldn’t get that warm flush of pride every time Benny talks about him like that, but he does nevertheless. He reaches for his hand, and Benny takes his with a light squeeze.

“Dean,” Sam says quietly. “It’s not the end. I’m not trying to take anything away from you. But…I need to do this for me. Maybe it’s time you did something for you.”

Dean’s face shuts down. “I hunt,” he says shortly.

“I’m not taking that away,” Sam repeats. “Just…what else do you want?”

Dean could have been an engineer, Sam knows. He could re-build classic cars from the ground up. Anything he wanted, really. 

“You don’t have to just pick something right now,” Sam says. “Just…think about it. And know I’m not abandoning you, and I don’t want to hurt you. But I’m doing this, for me. Because it’ll make me happy.”

Dean sits frozen for a minute, then nods abruptly, almost givingly, before getting up and leaving.

Benny wraps an arm around Sam. “He’ll come ‘round,” he promises quietly.

Sam half-smiles. “I know,” he says. He leans back against Benny. “I have an interview next Monday,” he admits quietly.

Benny kisses Sam’s temple. “So damn proud of you,” he says.

Sam gives a full smile, now. 


End file.
